Warning Signs
As adolescents, boys and girls are forming their first conclusion about what to expect and accept in intimate relationships. Teenagers may be predisposed to accept physical violence because of their exposure to it in their homes (either as victims or witnesses) or in the media. Given this early learning, it is critical for adults to recognize and respond to the early wanting signs. The following are common clues that a teen may be experiencing dating violence.
Extreme Jealousy:
Everyone gets jealous sometimes; the key word is “extreme”. Both boys and girls can become extremely jealous. Signs of extreme jealousy are when your partner gets mad if you talk to other people, have good friends, or express warm feelings for anyone else. The jealous person may withdraw, sulk, or become angry and abusive.
Possessiveness:
This becomes a danger sign when someone treats you as if you are a belonging. The possessive person will not want you to share your time or give your attention to anyone else.
Controlling Attitude:
This happens when one partner completely rules the relationship and makes all the decisions. Your point of view is not important. Often the controlling partner tries to tell the other how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.
Low Self-Esteem:
People with low self-esteem don’t like themselves very much. In a dating relationship a person with low self-esteem may say, “I’m nothing without you,” or “You are my world.” These are great lines for songs but not for real life.
Unpredictable Mood Swings:
Nobody stays in the same mood all the time, but a dramatic shift from being jealous, controlling, or angry to being sweet, charming, and loving is another danger sign.
Alcohol and Drug Use:
Many of the reported violent episodes in dating relationships are carried out when one or both partners have been drinking or doing drugs. Alcohol and drug use lower a person’s self-control but are not the cause of violence.
Explosive Anger:
Even if you have never seen someone being aggressive toward another person, watch out for people who seem to get too angry. These people may hit walls or lockers, yell loudly, call names, or actually threaten others with violence.
Physical bruises or other signs of injury:
Bear in mind that victims will often attempt to hide their injuries due to embarrassment. Be alert to sudden changes in dress or makeup, as well as explanation of injuries which seem out of character.
Truancy, failing, withdrawal from activities, dropping out of school:
An abusive relationship drains the victim of energy. The energy she still has is spent trying to make things right for the abuser.
Sudden or increased social isolation:
Due to shame or jealous accusations on the part of her violent boyfriend, the victim may withdraw from her friends and become increasingly isolated.
Difficulty making decisions:
Victims may appear anxious about making independent decision because they must continuously “get permission” from their boyfriends. Another sign may be the victim’s avoidance of eye contact.
Sudden changes in mood or personality:
These changes may include depression, withdrawal, acting out secretiveness, increased insecurity or feelings of inadequacy, anxiousness, or preoccupation with her boyfriend.
Use of alcohol or drugs:
This may be in response to direct pressure from her boyfriend or an attempt to numb her pain or emotional ambivalence about the relationship.
Pregnancy:
Many teenaged girls feel pregnancy will help them get out of a bad situation. Over 70% of pregnant or parenting teens are beaten by their boyfriends. Pregnancy significantly increases the risk of violence in teenage relationships.
Crying easily; getting “hysterical” or overreacting to minor incidents:
The victim who lives in fear of another incident is living under extreme tension. She is constantly trying to second-guess her boyfriend’s moods in her attempt to avoid his violence. Reacting to this stress, she may explode or become hysterical in response to something minor (for example, screaming when asked why she is late for class).